mneme | (Reply)

From:

It's true; I was mostly stylistically putting in commas where I had caesurae (yes, yes, sonnets don't have a structural caesurae, but this was a modified shakesperean sonnet form from the outset), but I didn't do so consistently.

In general, I should either put them in everywhere there's a verbal pause or just where normal English would include them.

... I've made a few changes. Mostly stuff you suggested, a few thnings you didnt.

I like the 14 feet in the final line, though. It's basically a portmanteau line; combining "everything that's wonderful" and "everything that's terrible", and as a happy accident I ended up with a triplicate in the middle; everything bouncing to wonderful bouncing to terrible. But I'll add a further edit to put parentheticals around "terrible" to lampshade it's extra feet.